Five Years Later, I Still Won't Like THE GRUDGE

Do you know who The Grudge is? The Grudge is that black guy at your gym with the Iverson jersey and the Jordans who can't hit a fucking shot.

The Grudge really really really wants me to think it's scary, and it will show me whatever I want to see in order to convince me that it is. It had all the 2000's horror movie staples : a rainy, drab look, tons of shock scares, and scary Japanese girls. But you can touch first, second, and third all you want, but you damn well better touch "home" before you run over and slap Jeff Kent on the ass.




Here's the deal. The Grudge had one of the creepiest shots I've ever seen in a movie. In fact, let's take a look at it right now.



Don't look away. Take a good long stare. It's okay. We're adults. You can admit it. That's some scary repugnant shit you're looking at. But do you know why I could sit two feet in front of my TV and watch it with Eyes Wide Open starring Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman? Because The Grudge showed me something scarier than this 45 minutes ago. And then again 10 minutes after that. And than again and again and again. By the time it got to it's climax, which is what's pictured above, I had already seen that same thing 10 times. In my opinion, Clea DuVall's death scene ursuped Martin Hendersens in The Ring (My vote for creepiest scene in a movie ever), but it didn't happen at the end, it happend 30 min. into the film. And then they did it again, and again, and again, thus detracting from the punch of the first scene and the future shock of the movie's finale, which would've been on time had it been something new for us to look at.

Plus, this film couldn't have ripped off The Ring more if it starred Namoi Watts and called itself The Circle.

2 1/2 Jason heads.