The Tao Of William Zabka
In what can only be chalked up to alcohol- and retarded-fueled negligence, William Zabka has yet to receive a lifetime achievement award from the AFI. Since my article on Elm Street II was moving enough to get the S.C. Senate to remove the Confederate Flag from the Statehouse Grounds and delete all their emails with "re: re: secret homo battle" in their subject lines, I’ve decided to use my powers of persuasion once again to hopefully correct a more politically correct but equally fucked up injustice.
You know who William Zabka is, you just don’t know who he is. Will punched, dove, karated, and punched again his way into America’s hearts in the 1980s—over and over and over and over. I can’t think of an actor that personified the entire "80s" mentality more than William—in fact, to me he is THE definitive 80s icon. If you’re reading this, Pac-Man, and you probably are, I wouldn’t recommend you argue…unless you want him to PUT YOU IN A BODY BAG!!!! YEEEEAAAHHHH!
Billy Z. was the perfect 80s antagonist. He was such a cock in every one of his movies, but what’s interesting is why. Look at him. The movie-going public could never relate to that guy. On the contrary…he personified the collective guy who flushed the movie-going public’s head in the toilet after gym class. 50 times. A day. Nobody wants to see this guy get the girl. They’ve been losing girls to guys like this all their lives. That’s why I pumped my fist and almost wet myself when Rodney Dangerfield Triple Lendinged all over his ass. Think about the heroes in any Hughes movie of the 80s—they were underdogs, and were always somehow flawed. Not Big Willie Style. All he wants to do is sweep your leg. And if you punch him back he’ll just smile before he kicks your ass, breaks your bike, makes fun of your mom’s car, and then fucks your girl.
No audience will ever rally behind William Zabka because he just looks like someone you want to hate. With that said, he owned Karate Kid. The last few times I’ve seen it I even rooted for Johnny, and you can read all about why here.
With that, Homemade Fireworks gives it’s first-ever lifetime achievement award to 80s movie staple William Zabka.
Required Reading, Day 2
In continuing with today’s theme, check out Matt from X-E’s hilarious tribute to the unsung heroes of Star Wars.
posted by Mike at
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
4 Comments:
In a similar vein, how fun have the Olympics been lately without the East Germans? Not very. A Great Bad Guy is what makes the Good Guy Hero possible.
You're right about the Russians. It's the same with Bond movies.
Great article about the legend William Zabka aka the dangerously bad Johnny Lawrence from Cobrai Kai dojo and the Karate Kid flicks.
If you want to read a hilarious article about Johnny Lawrence, read Rob Bloom's take on Johnny Lawrence and the Cobra Kai.
www.robbloom.com/creative/johnnylawrence.htm
Or go to www.robbloom.com, then click on creative writer, then click on pop culture and you'll see Rob Bloom's article on Johnny Lawrence.
it's hilarious.
First of all, that's the greatest comment to ever be left on this site. Second of all, to answer your observation, according to '80s cinema, Russians literally WILL become Americans if given the chance, as evidenced by the ending of Rocky IV. The Russian fans stopped cheering for Drago and started rooted for Rocky once they saw his rad American spirit.
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