Oh, Man! THE OMEN

(disclaimer: Homemade Fireworks is NOT down with the devil. It most certainly is not!)

Only three days in and the Shocktober Spectacular is already having an affect on my psyche. The Omen creeped me out so bad that I seriously thought about calling the whole thing off. For reals.

Apparently Satan was a huge box office draw in the late seventies, and I’m sure he’s happy to see that both of his movies received scores well over “7” on the Internet Movie Database. I, on the other had, hate movies about the devil because I totally believe in that stuff. I didn't think The Omen was as scary as The Exorcist while I was watching it, but it certainly had a worse “aftertaste,” if you will, as you’ll find out later.

The Omen has no monsters, no blood, no CGI, no animatronics…and no freaking mercy. It did have a score that made me shit egg rolls every time I heard it, though. The music was composed by Jerry Goldsmith, who is now dead, which can only mean one thing: The Omen is totally cursed.

BONUS UPDATE...FROM HELL!: The Omen really WAS cursed. This comes as no suprise to me. Click here to read about how pretty much everyone involved with it died horrible, probably Satan-influenced deaths!

I consider The Omen “top-shelf horror.” I imagine it was the What Lies Beneath or The Ring or The Others of it’s time, because of it’s A-List stars. The Omen starred Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch, the Antichrist’s father, and a young Angus Young as the Antichrist himself. It also starred Tron’s David Warner, who had the best death scene in the movie that made him dead as…Dillinger! OH HO HO HA HA HA HA HO HO HA HA!!! * Ahem. Anyway, these type of movies usually trade effects for mood, which translates to way more scares. The Omen was no exception. I’m going to reluctantly give this one 4 and ½ Jason heads. Reluctantly because it was too good at what it did. That’s why Monday’s review is going to be Elm Street II. I hear it’s the horror genre’s most simply fabulous! movie.

TRUE STORY: It took me literally less than FIVE MINUTES to have nightmares about this movie. I went to sleep right after watching it and had the freakiest dream about that kid Damien, all of which I still totally remember but don’t want to get into. So here’s the kicker…I knew I was dreaming but I couldn’t wake up, and it just kept getting worse. It was like the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre when that girl got hung on that meathook and you kept waiting for the camera to cut away but it didn’t. So here’s the double kicker: when I finally woke up, I couldn’t move. I was completely paralyzed for like ten seconds. I am so not joking. You know what? Give me back my Jason heads. I hate you, The Omen.

*Click here for an explanation of that joke which probably went totally over your head, and then prepare to kneel before my unequalled ‘80s movie references!