The Worst Bathroom Graffiti In Charlotte
I honetstly believe that reading was invented soley for the purpose of giving people something to do while they're on the toilet.
Bathroom Graffitti is an art form. It's a thing of beauty. There should be books of collections of it. However, as big of a fan of bathroom graffiti I am, the terrible bathroom graffiti at Charlotte's Brick and Barrell almost singlehandedly ruined an entire genre. Here's a look at the worst bathroom graffitti in Charlotte:
"Go ASU!!"
I hate to think that I live in a world where a guy is such a big fan of a bunch of kids who play sports for a team all the way across the country for a school he's probably never seen that he felt the need to write about it while he was using the bathroom. Me, I couldn't give a shit about ASU. Rebecca Rojimin could be my girlfriend and play for ASU, and I still probably wouldn't even stop at the game as I flipped through the channels to Deadwood. I'm sure they appreciate your support, but I don't think any of the players are going to be in the Brick and Barrell bathroom to personally experience the inspiration. All I'm saying is that crap like this makes that poem about the guy who left broken-hearted because he came to shit and only farted look like Walt Whitman.
"Wake owns UNC and Duke! Go back to Walmart bitches!"
Alright...I can't make fun of this, because this was obviously written by a guy with chart-topping levels of mental problems. That's the only logical explanation for this. It was either written by him or the guy who was assigned to him by social services to help him pee. Either way, I just want to go on record as saying this is the worst fucking thing ever.
"Doug Whitaker rocks. Scott Hoch rules!!"
Okay, let's analyze the circumstances behind bathroom graffiti in general. I'm pretty sure that whoever writes it doesn't walk into the bathroom with the sole purpose of writing something on the wall. They come in to use the bathroom. Most bathroom graffiti is probably written as an afterthought. The inspiration to write "Doug Whitaker rocks" struck someone while they were urinating, which means that someone was thinking about Doug Whitaker while they had their penis in their hand.
"Charles Marshall Knows Dickheads"
Look...the joke here doesn't revolve around the quality of the character of individuals Charles Marshall knows. Well, it kind of does...I'm not going to waste my time and yours by telling you that "Charles Marshall Knows Dickheads" is the funniest thing ever written, because it is. That sentence is way funnier than any joke I could write about it. The real joke here becomes evident when you look at the picture and note that "Dick" and even "Heads" was added later by someone else. That means that before "Dick" and "Heads" was added, somebody held their junk with one hand and used their other hand to make absolutely sure that every male in the Queen City that stopped here for a piss knew that "Charles Marshall Knows." Why in the fuck would someone write "Charles Marshall Knows" on a bathroom wall?I have no idea who Charles Marshall is, but unless he is working on a formula for a pill that will make my roommate's dog fart less or has sat in on a meeting regarding the possible release of Roadhouse 2, I don't give a fuck what he knows.
Just know that he knows.
Bathroom Graffitti is an art form. It's a thing of beauty. There should be books of collections of it. However, as big of a fan of bathroom graffiti I am, the terrible bathroom graffiti at Charlotte's Brick and Barrell almost singlehandedly ruined an entire genre. Here's a look at the worst bathroom graffitti in Charlotte:
"Go ASU!!"
I hate to think that I live in a world where a guy is such a big fan of a bunch of kids who play sports for a team all the way across the country for a school he's probably never seen that he felt the need to write about it while he was using the bathroom. Me, I couldn't give a shit about ASU. Rebecca Rojimin could be my girlfriend and play for ASU, and I still probably wouldn't even stop at the game as I flipped through the channels to Deadwood. I'm sure they appreciate your support, but I don't think any of the players are going to be in the Brick and Barrell bathroom to personally experience the inspiration. All I'm saying is that crap like this makes that poem about the guy who left broken-hearted because he came to shit and only farted look like Walt Whitman.
"Wake owns UNC and Duke! Go back to Walmart bitches!"
Alright...I can't make fun of this, because this was obviously written by a guy with chart-topping levels of mental problems. That's the only logical explanation for this. It was either written by him or the guy who was assigned to him by social services to help him pee. Either way, I just want to go on record as saying this is the worst fucking thing ever.
"Doug Whitaker rocks. Scott Hoch rules!!"
Okay, let's analyze the circumstances behind bathroom graffiti in general. I'm pretty sure that whoever writes it doesn't walk into the bathroom with the sole purpose of writing something on the wall. They come in to use the bathroom. Most bathroom graffiti is probably written as an afterthought. The inspiration to write "Doug Whitaker rocks" struck someone while they were urinating, which means that someone was thinking about Doug Whitaker while they had their penis in their hand.
"Charles Marshall Knows Dickheads"
Look...the joke here doesn't revolve around the quality of the character of individuals Charles Marshall knows. Well, it kind of does...I'm not going to waste my time and yours by telling you that "Charles Marshall Knows Dickheads" is the funniest thing ever written, because it is. That sentence is way funnier than any joke I could write about it. The real joke here becomes evident when you look at the picture and note that "Dick" and even "Heads" was added later by someone else. That means that before "Dick" and "Heads" was added, somebody held their junk with one hand and used their other hand to make absolutely sure that every male in the Queen City that stopped here for a piss knew that "Charles Marshall Knows." Why in the fuck would someone write "Charles Marshall Knows" on a bathroom wall?I have no idea who Charles Marshall is, but unless he is working on a formula for a pill that will make my roommate's dog fart less or has sat in on a meeting regarding the possible release of Roadhouse 2, I don't give a fuck what he knows.
Just know that he knows.
posted by Mike at
Sunday, March 13, 2005
3 Comments:
Why do you people have a web site souly to talk about what is said in the public restrooms?
Using "souly" the information from the Brick & Barrell bathroom wall as my guide, I've concluded that the above anonymous comment was NOT written by Doug Whitaker or Scott Hoch. It was probably written by someone Charles Marshall knows.
this is the best blog ive ever read
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