Homemade Fireworks: Tournament Champion Ultimate Edition!

Yeah, it's been a month. Where have we been all this time? Exactly where you thought--on a magical, mysterious journey throughout the reaches of space and time. Our mission: to locate, retrieve, and combine into one Web site the infinite constants of hilarity that caused the cavemen to piss their loincloths and that our robot slave masters will one day exchange around the watercooler when they're not turning us into fuel for their killing machines. While the mission was a success, the universal constants of hilarity apparently involve run-on sentences.

Enough pussyfooting. HF is back, and as you can tell by the new logo, courtesy of Eric Hill (or as he's known in the future: LORD DISTRUCTOR!), it's not fucking around.

And it didn't return alone.

When I meet people who read the site but don't know me in person, they sometimes comment that I'm not as dorky as they thought I'd be. To make sure that never happens again, it is my great pleasure to introduce to you HOMEMADE FIREWORKS...THE BLOG. You can check it out now if you want, but only if you want to see the most anti-climactic debut of anything since "the shockmaster." There's nothing there. But don't fret...no later than this time tomorrow, HF The Blog will be a bustling metroplis of mirth and merriment, and it will be updated a lot more than this site.

Speaking of, stop by tomorrow for the first article of Homemade Fireworks: Season II. It has nothing to do with Transformers, and everything to do with sex, both of which are huge draws here.

That is all. As always, feel free to drop a comment or email me.